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Thursday, January 27, 2005


Dan of the River

The cup of urine? He is still using that line?? Has he told you the one about the flea, the elephant and spit? He'll probably tell you it in Portugese.

Talk about somebody who has milked the damn cow....oh, hell...don't get me started.


Funny you mention Barbara Boxer's height. I had the, um... privilege of being picked for jury duty on the same day she did, and when I passed her in the hallway, I found out that the TV adds at least 3 inches. She is a tiny woman. Strident, to be sure, but tiny.

"A true artist can find beauty in a garbage can!"

Another educrat who doesn't get what true art is. Plum, maybe you can edjumacate this guy on that subject, too. (Though I can find beauty in a garbage can, but only when it's filled with whole language teaching materials or all those damned manipulatives that constructivist math mis-teachers insist that kids use.)


Nah, it's about as fruitless as waiting for Condoleeza Rice to tell the truth. You were right about one thing, though: I couldn't wait to see what took first prize. It was worth the wait.

Iron Mike

Prof Plum, How do you do it? How do you manage to keep your job being a right-leaning guy?

I had had dreams about getting a PhD. Then I went to grad school and realized I'd never make it. I'd speak my mind, or point out some lack of logic and get black-balled.

I'm not prepared to silence myself for the 5-odd years for my PhD then my X number of years at a job til I get tenure (I'm assuming what they say about tenure is true: you can talk nonsense all you like and not get fired).

I wish I had had you in college!


Thanks for your kind comments, Iron Mike. I think they don't make an effort to get rid of me because....

1. So far, I haven't done any of the things that can get you canned--like using the university computers for this weblog or being drunk on the job. AFTER work, you can fall face down on the sidewalk.

2. I think they presume I would put up more of a stink then they would want to hande.

3. My presence adds the right touch of aesthetic correctitude (e.g., I don't wear plaid pants and striped shirts).

4. I flatter the ladies. Even the ones who hate my guts.

"Oh, my, doesn't YOUR hair look nice today." [Aside. Just about what one imagines a parrot would look like after being dragged backwards through a hedge.] Unkind, I know. Sometimes I fear for my soul.

"I declare, you are looking younger every day." [Aside. Probably uses wood glue and patching plaster as foundation.]

"Have you lost weight?!!... Oh, yes you have!!!....Pretty soon you'll be a slip of a girl. I hope I'm on YOUR dance card." [She better install some backup lights and a beep beep before someone gets hurt.]

I'm going to hell. Oh, yes. Straight down.

5. I am helpful beyond the call of duty.

"Here, let me carry you upstairs....No No. I insist.... If you don't lay still I shall be forced to provide a soothing whack upside the head with a slab of frozen cod." [Who WOULDN'T enjoy being dragged up three flights of stairs?]

6. I frequently offer good advice.

"Thinking is not your strong suit. Have you ever thought of yodeling as a profession?"

"The last train for Clarksville is at the station. Alllll abooooooard!"

"Here. Try this new drink. All the rage. First a big mouthful of Bailey's Irish Creme. Don't swallow. Now add a shot of lime juice." [This is for trained professional drunks. Don't try this at home!]

These and other valued aspects of my person result in a deep sense of loss when I am not around.

The ladies stagger through the halls clutching their brows (I'm not sure how one actually clutches a brow), making noises like a woman wailing for her demon lover. [I'm not actually sure what that sounds like and I really DON'T want to know. Probably fairly squalid, and best enjoyed after electroconvulsive therapy.]

If the truth be told (I say IF), I do like many--even most--of my colleagues, but not as persons.

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